i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
