i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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