he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
how drunk are you?
Several
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
