Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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