matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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