btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
