Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
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