just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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