Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
