dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
