Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
