She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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