yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
