dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
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