you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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