maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i love accidental penises.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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