Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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