i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
