Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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