I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
