some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
