i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
