i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
