Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
