Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Let's get the cat blown out
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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