we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
