can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I need to sanitize my soul.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
