Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
