Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
