brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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