she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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