I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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