Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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