I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
