so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
