Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
