i just wanna soil my oats bro
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
