separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
