What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
