I accidentally had phone sex last night
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
