I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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