Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
