Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
