At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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