Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
