8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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