you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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