I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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