I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
