just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
